Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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