You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
