spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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