i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
