dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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