why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
