The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
