I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
