Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize