I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
