her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
