We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
