I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
