I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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