Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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