I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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