Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
