Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
