I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
