I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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