Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
