In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
