Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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