He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
