He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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