Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
