watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Randomize
