if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
