is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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