Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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