her vagine was all disorganized.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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