I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
