Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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