Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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