I can tuck mytits in my pants
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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