I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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