I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My life is pants optional.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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