and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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