wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize