I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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