I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
