he looks like a really good dad on facebook
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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