giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i now understand why vodka
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
