I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
