awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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