My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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