So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
