i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
