chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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