I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
