It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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