Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
