Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
