wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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