I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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