i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
