your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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