Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
