The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
