As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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