You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
