I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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