Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
