I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
