We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
