Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
