It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
