Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
