dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
