Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
