I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
