did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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