Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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