it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
