I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
