so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
