And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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